Death ...

Last Friday 6 November I attended my mother's funeral ... remotely

We grew up in Liege, Belgium where my mother resided till her death.  My brother and sister live in London with their families.

My mother died at the bright old age of 91.  She was still 100% lucid till the very end of her life.  

She was a strong Christian, and a firm supporter of my photography.  When I showed her my nudes, her first question was:  When are you exhibiting them publicly? ...

Due to Coronavirus restrictions it was not possible for me to return to Belgium for her last few weeks of her life or her funeral.  I cannot relate the immense sadness of watching your mother's funeral by video conference!

She got very sick with cancer in May 2018.  I returned to Belgium expecting her death in the following days.  

She confounded everybody, especially the medical staff, by disagreeing with their diagnosis.

She spent 4 months in general hospital, then a cancer ward (she was deemed hopeless) then 7 weeks in palliative care ...

after which she walked out waving her hand to all the astonished staff.

During this period she had incredible support, from us the children (my sister and I were at her side constantly), but also her numerous friends in Liege.

Literally she had visits every day of her hospitalization.  I was surprised to see the level of support around her.

It was, in all honesty, humbling to witness the legions of strong and caring friends she had nurtured and collected in her life.

I believe this support network, from family & friends, gave her the energy and the purpose to fight.

She returned home, confounding all forecasts that she should be placed in a retirement home.  The cancer went into remission, and she was again walking (1-2 miles each day) and living actively.  

I stayed with her for 18 months, rediscovering a very special lady. She surprised me in so many way, it was quite unsettling sometimes.

She went back to her very active social life: teaching Spanish and English (she was natively tri-lingual, speaking also French). volunteering for charities, attending conferences and concerts, travelling, etc.  A tower of energy.

We travelled together from Liege to London for Christmas 2019.  Great family dinners and sharing followed.  She returned to Belgium, on her own, in January 2020.

In March 2020, due to Coronavirus, she was put into lockdown at home....  She was not allowed out of her home.  People were not allowed to visit her.  It was a prison.

Two months later in May 2020, during one of our frequent phone calls (I was back in Vancouver BC), she asked me about the purpose of life.   "What is the meaning of life, if you are totally isolated in this manner?"  "How long will this isolation last?" ... "Is it even worth living?" ... 

These questions, from a strong Christian, came as a shock to me.

End of May the cancer came back with a vengeance.  The medical prognosis was No hope, incurable.  My sister went back to Belgium (she is a cancer nurse in London) and stayed with my mother continuously till the end.  

My mother's health remained fairly weak, but she was mobile and active (but not allowed outside).  

We broke the rules by inviting some friends over to her house.  She went back to church.

In September the rules of isolation were tightened.  by mid-October she declined very fast and died 29 October with family at her side.  Her funeral was Friday 6 November.

What is the purpose of this long letter?

Simple:

My mother was never infected by the Coronavirus, but she died from the depression and loss of fighting spirit following the lockdown.  To my dying days I will believe that isolation killed her at this time.  The depression caused by the lockdown reduced her fighting spirit and allowed the cancer to return.  She was happy and active early March, talking of death 2 months later!  There have been numerous examples in Canada of people requesting euthanasia because they cannot live in deep isolation.  Can you imagine what it means to not be able to leave your home, or room in a retirement home, for months on end?

In the year to 30 June 2020, 300,000 people died of all causes in Canada.  Coronavirus might have killed 4-5,000 by that date.  So where is the real danger?  Nobody dares to tally the deaths from isolation, whether premature death, depression, euthanasia, suicide, etc... 

Remember your family and friends, isolation is an even greater killer than the Coronavirus.  And that is a terrible shame.

Sorry for my long diatribe ...

Nicolas